one by one they fall
by chessboardsandcheckmates
Summary: Anna has been cursed since the day she was born. Anna/Elsa (Elsanna)


**Disclaimer: I own nothing.**

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The day Anna is born, a terrible snowstorm hits Arendelle.

The king and queen order the guards to seal the castle doors and bar all of the windows. The servants are to remain in their quarters until it passes.

But while the king and queen venture outside to address the people, one of the windows in Anna's bedroom blows open.

And by the time her parents find her, crying softly in her bassinet, the snow and the ice from outdoors have already crept their way into Anna's heart.

… … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … …

Anna is cursed.

With what, she isn't sure, but she has been since the day she was born.

Not with an illness, not with a malady, not with anything her parents can see or feel or touch.

The trolls say that it is her heart. That it is frozen and that it has been for a long time.

Usually an act of true love is the answer. But Anna has survived this long without it, years and years and years, and even the trolls cannot say what that means.

… … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … …

Anna is seven when she begins to understand the curse.

Her childhood friend moves away and the pain nearly suffocates her. Because Anna has no heart to turn to. It is there, in her chest, but it isn't whole, it isn't beating. It is small and dark and frozen, and it cannot take the loss.

So instead it hurts, like it's breaking.

And a piece _does_ break off. One piece of ice falls away and spreads through the rest of her body.

And when Anna's parents leave her for weeks at a time, all alone in a big empty castle, the heart breaks then, too. Bits of ice chip off of it and send shivers down her spine, leaving her heart just a little bit smaller.

And one day, Anna thinks, there will only be a hole in its place.

… … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … …

"A person cannot live without a heart that functions properly," her father says. "We must find a way to fix it."

Anna thinks that a person cannot live without contact, either.

And she thinks of all of the time she spends on her own, locked up in this great big place. With lots of doctors and not a single friend.

With or without the curse, Anna is terribly lonely. And loneliness is its own sort of death.

So in more ways than one, Anna has been dying for a long, long time.

… … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … …

They meet on the balcony.

It is a cold night and Anna is barely seventeen. She shivers as she approaches the princess.

"Hi," she says. "I'm Anna."

The girl turns around and curtsies.

"Elsa."

They stand together as the celebration rages inside, all bright lights and vibrant colors and everything that Anna wishes could warm the block of ice in her chest.

"You're beautiful," Elsa says, and an unexpected sensation surfaces in Anna's stomach.

"Thank you. You're beautifuller. Or, um, more beautiful."

Elsa smiles at her, then, and Anna feels it. A pull. Like a magnet.

Elsa's eyes meet hers sort of shyly.

Like she feels it, too.

… … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … …

When Elsa leaves, Anna feels a familiar prickling sensation.

The pain doesn't kick in until later.

Not until her parents are fast asleep and the servants have turned in for the night.

She kicks and writhes in her bed, hands clutching at her chest, gasping for air.

It only lasts twenty minutes this time, twenty minutes and then another bit of her heart is gone.

When Anna finally falls asleep, the pain is only a memory.

But it follows her, like a shadow, into every dream.

Into every single nightmare.

… … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … …

Elsa comes to the next party, too.

Anna stares at her for a long time before she finally gathers up the courage to ask the princess to dance. To her amazement, Elsa says yes.

It is a waltz, of course, but slow, and so Anna stays as close to Elsa as she possibly can.

"Your hands are freezing," Elsa says, and her eyes are wide with worry. "Are you cold?"

Anna smiles up at her and shakes her head.

"Not anymore."

… … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … …

Elsa leaves when the party is over, and Anna's chest almost collapses.

Her nursemaid rushes her upstairs and draws her a warm bath. Anna soaks in it for hours, until her fingers are soft and wrinkled, until the water is ice cold.

"Does it help?" the nursemaid asks.

"No," Anna forces a tired smile. "Nothing helps."

… … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … …

The queen of the Northern Isles gives birth to a prince and every royal across all of the kingdoms travels to Arendelle for the celebration.

"Quite a party," Elsa says, and Anna's whole body relaxes into her voice.

"Elsa," she whirls around. "You're here!"

The princess steps forward and her dress flows beautifully behind her. "Of course."

Anna leads her inside and gives her a tour of the castle. It begins as a simple walk-through, going from room to room, a glance at the carpets and the chandeliers. But then the rest of it begins to seep in, the memories and the isolation, and instead of rooms, each passing knight of armor is a story, each portrait a reminder, every smell and every dent in the wallpaper something special.

Elsa listens with a smile and follows her from place to place.

At some point her hand intertwines with Anna's.

And squeezes tightly.

… … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … …

When Elsa goes away this time, Anna almost doesn't survive it.

She spends over a week lying in bed, shivering.

Her chest is locked and rigid and her breathing is labored. The pieces of her heart that have fallen off are spreading through her body. Her parents send dozens of doctors in to see her.

"There is no fever, no cold, no infection," the doctors say. "No explanation."

But Anna, as she lies in bed, sweating and shaking, understands exactly what is happening.

… … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … …

Elsa's family visits the kingdom again. There is a ball thrown in their honor.

This time she and Anna sneak out to the courtyard and huddle together under an apple tree. Anna sits between the princess's legs and lets her head fall back against Elsa's chest.

Ice begins to form beneath them.

"So you're an only child?" Anna says.

"Yes."

"It's lonely, isn't it?"

Elsa nods and stares off towards the fjord. "It is."

Anna wrings her hands together and takes a deep breath.

"I'm not lonely now."

"What do you mean?"

"With you, I'm not lonely. Things are better when you're here, Elsa. I just…I mean that you make me happy."

Elsa leans back against the tree and swallows.

"You make me happy, too."

The wind whistles past them and sweeps the snow out from under their feet. Elsa's covered hands tighten around Anna's waist.

"Why do you wear the gloves?" Anna asks, and hopes it isn't an inappropriate question. The princess does not respond. Instead, she tosses the gloves to the ground and places her palms against the apple tree.

It is frozen in seconds, icicles hanging from the branches in what really is a beautiful display, and Anna's mouth falls open.

"Oh."

… … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … …

There is a meeting of the royal order and the king and queen of Arendelle are hosting.

When Elsa arrives, Anna tackles her with a very un-ladylike hug.

"I've missed you," she says, and her words get muffled against Elsa's shoulder. Elsa wraps her arms tightly around Anna's waist and smiles against her cheek.

"So have I."

"Come on," Anna pulls away and starts tugging her inside. "I have a surprise for you."

… … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … …

The surprise is a chocolate cake.

"I made it myself," Anna says, puffing out her chest proudly. "I mean, the cook helped, but mostly I did it!"

Elsa stares at it for a long time.

"You said you like chocolate, right?"

Elsa nods vacantly.

"Yes."

"Then…what's wrong?"

The princess's eyes fall to the floor and begin to fill with tears.

"No one's ever done anything like this for me."

"Like what?" says Anna. "Baked you a cake?"

Elsa shakes her head.

"Given me a gift."

… … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … …

Before Elsa leaves this time, Anna hugs her goodbye.

And when they finally part, Elsa, filled to the brim with something she can't describe, leans in and kisses her.

Anna reacts right away, pulling Elsa into her and absorbing as much warmth as she can.

"Come back soon," Anna whispers, after they separate, her lips barely an inch away from Elsa's.

Elsa nods and buries her face in Anna's neck.

"I will."

… … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … …

The king and queen of the Summerlands die on a ship to the New World.

Elsa's coronation is the next day.

Anna attends. She sits in between her parents and watches as Elsa stands, back straight, shoulders down, and accepts the crown. Her hands are shaking when she faces her people. The gloves stay on.

It is after the ceremony that Anna goes to her, alone in her dark, empty room.

"What will you do now?"

Elsa sighs.

"I will lead my kingdom."

Anna wraps her arms around Elsa's waist from behind and rests her chin on the queen's shoulder.

"I am so sorry about your parents."

Elsa laughs, though it is more of a sob, and says,

"I'm not."

But she cries herself to sleep in Anna's arms, clutching at the material of her dress, face buried in Anna's shoulder. And as the room is slowly encased in solid ice, Anna thinks, not for the first time, that maybe her heart is not the only one that needs mending.

… … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … …

Anna opens her eyes to find another body on top of hers.

"Hey, Elsa…wake up," she whispers, brushing a strand of the queen's hair behind her ear.

When Elsa's eyes flutter open, Anna presses a light kiss to her nose. The queen sits up a little and Anna smiles softly.

"How is it possible you are this pretty first thing in the morning?"

Elsa blushes and tries to hide her face.

"Anna," she says, hand finding the other girl's under the sheets. "You're here."

"Yeah," Anna nods. "I'm here."

"Don't leave," she murmurs. "Not yet."

Anna shakes her head and says,

"I won't."

… … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … …

Anna is only halfway back to her kingdom when she starts to miss Elsa.

She assumes over half of her heart is gone at this point. But at least another fourth of it cracks and drops away in an instant.

It is a pain she hasn't experienced before, sharper and much more crippling than the last, and for the next few hours she screams and screams and screams.

… … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … …

"Anna!"

Elsa bursts out of her carriage and rushes through the crowd. The moment she sees Anna's face, she starts running at full speed. And for a moment, just one, as she spins Anna around and smiles at her in front of hundreds of townspeople, she looks nothing like a queen.

More like a very pretty girl whom Anna may or may not be in love with.

"I have missed you," Elsa says, and she presses kisses to Anna's cheeks.

"How long can you stay for?" Anna asks.

"For as long as you like."

… … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … …

They are together for three days.

But then Elsa receives an urgent message: the Summerlands are short on supplies and several of their trading partners have frozen them out.

"I must go back," Elsa says. "I don't have a choice."

She will leave tomorrow morning.

Anna knows that she won't survive the separation this time.

"I have to go and help my people." Elsa insists. "They need me."

And Anna wants to say that _she_ needs her, too, but can't quite find the words.

… … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … …

Elsa's carriage pulls away and an hour later, Anna is unconscious.

She can faintly hear her nursemaid calling for her parents, for the king and queen, but she can't see it.

And her blood and her veins are filling and filling with ice.

… … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … …

"Anna?"

A hand brushes against her cheek and a voice calls for her, over and over.

"Anna, wake up…"

Elsa's tears fall and hit her face, and for a moment Anna thinks it really is one of her nightmares.

"Please, Anna…I love you," she whispers, and her face is wrought with pain. "Please don't go, please…"

When Anna rolls over and starts coughing hysterically, Elsa sobs with relief and cradles Anna's head in her hands.

… … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … …

"Why didn't you tell me?" Elsa asks, and there's some anger behind it, some resentment.

"It wouldn't have made a difference."

"Of course it would have! I could have found a way to-"

"There is no way," Anna snaps. "I will die, and you cannot stop it."

The queen stares at her helplessly.

"I love you," Elsa says, and Anna wishes, not for the first time, that it were enough.

… … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … …

Elsa's hands are freezing against hers.

The queen presses kiss after kiss to Anna's face, her lips, her cheeks, her nose…like somehow it's going to fix everything.

For a moment it does.

"Please tell me what I can do to help you," Elsa whispers. "I have to do something."

Anna kisses her slowly, deliberately, in case it's the last time.

"It hurts when you leave," Anna says.

Snow begins to fall heavily on their heads.

"So I'll stay," says Elsa.

And she does.

… … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … …

"Would you marry me, if I asked?"

They are sitting next to the fire. Anna is cradled in Elsa's arms, shivering.

"No," Anna says. "I wouldn't."

"But I could protect you," Elsa insists, her lips brushing against Anna's temple and lingering there. "Please, I…I have to keep you safe."

The fire starts to fizzle out and Anna stands to kindle it.

"I'm dying," she says, and there are no tears this time. "There's no stopping it. If we marry you'll be a widow within weeks. And I won't make you attend another funeral."

… … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … …

Elsa refuses to leave her side for over a week.

Anna goes to bed every night and wakes up the next morning in Elsa's arms.

But Elsa is terrified, all the time, and clings to her every second like she might disappear.

It is during dinner that Anna finally speaks up, finally says what they have both been thinking.

"I can't live like this anymore, Elsa. With all of this fear around us. And neither can you."

Elsa looks at her with tears in her eyes. Her voice is hoarse and broken.

"If I leave, you will die."

"No," Anna shakes her head. "I'll be free."

… … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … …

Anna is too weak to move now.

She cannot feel her heart anymore. Even the cold has gone away, and she knows that very soon the last piece of ice will chip off.

"Only death can end the curse," she murmurs, as she lies in bed, listening to Elsa tell her stories from faraway lands. And Elsa stop speaking, then, and begins to dress.

… … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … …

Elsa carries her out of the palace and out onto the fjord.

"Anna, hang on just a few more minutes, okay? I've got you."

The sky is a dark, ugly color, and Anna focuses instead on Elsa's face.

Pale, beautiful, probably the loveliest thing she's ever seen. Elsa's smile, her eyes, the barest hint of a worry line on her forehead.

And then suddenly Elsa's face is blurry, and there is a barrier between them.

Suddenly Anna is underwater.

She faintly hears a warbled apology before ice begins to freeze over the fjord.

Anna pounds and pounds against it, with all of the strength she has left, and breathes in the water.

In and in and in until it all goes black.

… … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … …

The pain is over.

And Anna ceases to exist.

Stuck in the middle somewhere.

Until she's not.

… … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … …

Anna feels lips against her own, breathing life back into her, and when she opens her eyes and starts coughing up water, she feels Elsa's hands all over her, rubbing her back and clutching her hand.

"Did I die?" Anna asks, once her voice comes back to her. Once the specks at the edges of her vision fade away.

"Yes," Elsa says, and she looks impossibly drained. "We did it, Anna."

"Did what?"

But then she feels it. Deep in her chest, like being whole, like the end of an eternal winter. And there's no pain anymore. Just…love. And a soft, insistent beating from deep inside of her.

Elsa is crying now, hand clamped over her mouth, and Anna gathers her up in her arms and holds on tight.

"You saved me," she whispers, and brushes her lips against Elsa's hair. "Thank you."

Elsa is shaking, but her eyes rise and meet Anna's regardless.

"I love you," she says.

And Anna surges forward to kiss her.

"I love you, too."

And the warmth between them spreads and spreads and spreads.


End file.
